About letting go, starting over, and leading yourself! My year 2019.
What a year, so happy, painful, exciting and intense like 15 years ago with my backpack in Australia! Today I am grateful – grateful for my family, my friends, human and appreciative encounters and my willingness to lead myself, thus allowing for change!
It is my first personal review that I am making public. On the one hand, to give answers to the questions that many people have asked me. On the other hand, to encourage!
A voice inside me still says “Laura, this is not professional and perfect.” Today I ignore this voice, which has been a faithful and protective companion for the past 30 years, which has helped me to perform excellently at school, university and at work, and which has always driven me to top performance!
I am grateful that it is a part of me and during the last year I have learned to send it on holiday when it keeps me from being happy, authentic and human! Sounds easy? For me it often feels like an inner struggle, because in these moments I let go, give up control and trust in myself and my intuition. Authenticity is great and painful at the same time, because it makes me feel visible and vulnerable.
Why do you leave a challenging, well paid job?
In mid-January I left my job. It felt as if I was throwing away a shiny coat that no longer warmed me, but for which many people admired me. And then it was gone, just like that, overnight, and I felt naked! It was suddenly very quiet and empty and I started to reflect. Had I given up? Had I just begun? What should my new coat actually look like?
Many people asked me last year why I gave up such a job – varied, well paid, challenging. Others asked me for advice and wanted to know how they can feel that it is time for a change.
I didn’t have any concrete answers for a long time, because only today, one year later, I think I understand what was going on inside me at that time.
Something deep inside of me was looking for a deeper purpose. I had the feeling lots of things were happening outside the office that I wanted to actively participate in.
At work I understood myself more and more as the person who connected people, questioned things with the focus on human beings. But at the same time I realized that I could no longer inspire and build a bridge between myself as a person and my professional role.
Trapped in a rigid box, I was unable to name it in January. I wanted to get out and rediscover and practice my creativity. And I felt that to do so I had to throw off the entire coat by starting the year 2019 without a concrete plan. For me a painful way, but a wonderful sign of trust in life!
What has happened since then?
I let go!
Career planning. It took a lot of effort to admit to myself and my environment that from now on I would go ahead without a fixed plan. It felt like I was failing.
Consumption. Today I am able to live more consciously and minimalistic.
Financial security. In January my only chance to start over. I took a risk and invested in my happiness.
Professional role. A great excuse for me to not start leading myself. As soon as the rigid professional box was no longer there, I got to know my inner box. The one that kept me from trusting in myself, being creative, living independently and taking responsibility – my inner beliefs…
Inner beliefs. Do you know those little voices knowing everything better? “You can’t do that anyway”, “You don’t do that”, “This is far too uncertain”, “It’s unprofessional”. Many people want change, but they don’t want to change. Rather, it is our saboteurs who want to maintain the status quo and “convince” us that there are many things we cannot and do not want to do. They keep us from approaching the world with curiosity, willingness to learn and a beginner`s mind. In order to change, I let some voices go and actively took over leadership for myself.
And letting go means to gain something new:
Inspiring encounters. People who design, grow and want to! Who walked me through this and shared their knowledge – THANK YOU!
New Work. Meetups, Conferences, Pitches, Liberating Structures, Laloux, Holocracy, Working Out Loud…I have learned so many new things and met a wonderful community.
Creativity. No longer thinking in problems, but in solutions.
Alternatives. Instead of BUT just start using an AND.
Vision and purpose. Talk about it, share it and be surprised what can grow from it.
Support. It’s so valuable to ask for help and listen instead of telling the world unimportant stuff.
Authenticity. Being, feeling, showing yourself and gratefully accepting the willingness to be vulnerable.
Leadership. Today I take over the leadership for myself and no longer leave it to my inner little voices or my environment. I am curious and open-minded, ready for the journey without always knowing where it is leading to. Very useful in a dynamic world where the goal often remains unknown.
2019 was the beginning of a new chapter, which could not have been written without the previous ones. If I had wanted to predict the content of the new chapter in January already, life would certainly have taken a different course and it would not have been a yes to my life.
Instead, I met my “Lieblingsmenschen” (And I cannot find a translation for this word that says everything I want to say), said yes to self-employment twice and got time with my family and friends as a big gift.
When I look into the eyes of my best friend’s eight-month-old twins today, I know why I’m doing this! This world needs us, ready to move forward, curious, willing to learn, ready to turn the world upside down, to ask unpleasant questions and to just do it! And if that doesn’t work, there will be a next chapter!
Which chapter would you like to start next? Feel free to share your thoughts! Or schedule in a free sample session to see how I can support you to write your personal next chapter! Lets just grow together!